We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
