glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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