The best revenge is premature balding
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
