Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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