dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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