You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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