You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
