the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
