I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
