I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
