What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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