The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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