Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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