Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
