I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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