I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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