Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
