Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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