Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what day is it and did you see me today?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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