I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
