even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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