Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
