I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
