Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
