I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
