my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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