Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
