I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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