And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
