your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
