Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
