the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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