in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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