finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
