he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
