It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
