you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
