My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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