he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
