NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
