my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
