apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
