if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
