Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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