All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they need to just BURY HIM!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
