I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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