she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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