I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
