He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
