it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone signed my nipple.
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