i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
