there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
