I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
