Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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