She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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