The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
